Tales from the Continuum

I have thrown the idea out into the void that I would like to write a book about aliens and AI, I've crafted out most of the book mentally but when I tried to write it out I couldn't find a starting point. I'd just start and stop from different areas of the story, trying to find the best place to begin. The words stopped dripping like honey when I stopped smoking marijuana, though the desire to write was greater, everything felt mechanical. Most of the themes and plot points were inspired by dreams. What's lead me to forgo that venture is how reality seemed to "bleed" from the work. Not an uncommon belief within the realm of pagan belief, how words can manifest reality... in a sense. I could never get to the most gripping and terrifying dreams, that still linger in my mind. As I don't want to give any theosophical types any ideas, I want to distance myself from that future.The dream of a walk-able city, one I did pen has appeared in reality. This is exciting, though not as I envisioned entirely. That was a mechanical writing though it WAS marijuana induced. So I shouldn't limit my inability to create to such a damned vice. Though the addictive nature I hold wants to grasp at any straw to bring back the intoxication... I see that, now, as I write. I won't edit it out. As this is a good buffer to bore or dissuade anyone from reading. I'm very sensitive and these tales are very personal. I'm not well educated. Though I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't believe me. Especially if you read forward into my recounts of ET and UAP experiences. Trust isn't, well, given freely. I'm just some crazy on the internet trying to connect. Trying to share. Trying to adequately document my experiences in written form, prior to releasing video evidence I may only hopefully attain.I'll start with the UAPs because they're much more "real" to me than the straight up ET experiences. For context they happened after I saw aliens, I wasn't abducted but I do feel like the aircraft I saw were alien in origin.... given the auditory hallucinations and the general sense of a "presence" after seeing the craft. There were also closed eye visuals -- of what I would casually call an intergalactic dic pic. (Concerning?) A few textile hallucinations as well. All these hallucinations are not that uncommon for me, though textiles are rare. For the general public, but also for my lived experience. They haven't happened often and when they do it's usually linked to extreme discomfort and proceeded by a trip to the mental hospital. I'll put that all aside though and paint a setting of where this craft was spotted.It was in a more rural area, but not too far from the suburbs. There was obviously an airfield nearby, as I would see low flying airplanes come in from the same direction. I'm a smoker (as most schizo's tend to be) and was smoking outside constantly. Nearly every time I'd go outside I'd see some kind of human aircraft going that direction. Well, I'm exaggerating but still, it was a pattern I recognized. It was late one night and I noticed an aircraft that didn't have lights like the other planes. It was low, but it wasn't coming from the direction previous planes had. It skirted along the tree line, I thought it strange so I watched it closely... Even approached it in curiosity. I didn't get too close though, because it stopped moving. Now of course it could of been a helicopter, but something told me it wasn't. The craft flew towards me. I stood still, looked down at my cigarette and saw that it was done for. I took the out and casually walked inside, as if I wasn't afraid. The craft was silent, helicopters are not. I didn't hear anything and it was getting rather close overhead, and it wasn't all that high up, so if it were a chopper it would of been observable with more than just the eyes! When I got inside, I announced "my boys are here" shortly after that the presence was felt. I went to the TV and internally asked if it wanted to watch anything. "we" decided to watch a weird sci-fi movie about surgeries becoming like sex. IDK what it was called and I doubt I could find it, I don't even want to try! I drifted off to sleep watching it, saw the image in my head, and felt as though I was having a weird kind of sex. Given the sounds on the movie and textile hallucinations. The voices were... different than they normally were, the ones in my head. I internally asked what his name was "Emarac" the voice was concerned about SA. It didn't say sexual assault but that's what I attributed the phrase to. It was concerned about me cheating on my husband, it spoke of infidelity. The entire time the voice was present, I was in a semi-conscious sleep like state. We didn't communicate well inside my head and I didn't vocalize with it aloud, so I didn't get to test if the auditory hallucination would become more... external rather than entirely internal. Most of the voices I hallucinate don't sound like they're in the room with me, but within my mind. Though lately that isn't the case... but I'll get to that in a bit.I want to focus on the name "emarac" I googled it and there was a movie from the 60's (or late 50's? IDK I don't feel like looking it up right now) Deskset about a super intelligent computer that was slated to take IDK writers jobs -- the computer was called Emarac. Which fascinated me, but this isn't the first time a 'vision' or 'hallucination' has yielded results on further investigation. After my suicide attempt, when I was "coming back online" in the ICU I had witnessed a strange and horrific event. Military men were cutting off civilian's heads and my mother was spared. She received a red glove? (IDK wtf that shit was but it was a hellscape, she didn't make it in to see me and was killed in the hospital by a jack boot soldier, so... alternate reality or something. I kept hearing boots in the hallway outside stomping as soldiers do, back and forth, never taking many steps... guarding? anyways, lots more to that but I digress) Upon researching "red glove" it's a lost film... light... that's how camera's work, right? I mean, in the most rudimentary sense. There's something to that, it's the only thing that makes sense... there's some kind of string, or maybe -- reservoir or stream of untapped knowledge, teetering in some kind of collective unconscious; or maybe, meh that's enough... back to the UAP shit.A huge bunch of hoopla happened between me and my husband, justifiably so. I won't parse out those details, it's irrelevant to the story -- but we separated. (nazi types will inherently blame me and I laugh at that because ya'll are a bunch of dumbasses and I'll prove it -- ya dinguses forgot that history repeats, first of all, second of all it doesn't have to! it can simply rhyme :D but a;again I digress)When we got back together is the second time I had a UAP experience. Again, I'll give the setting -- on a highway. The craft imitated a tower, it flew erratically enough for my eagle eyes to spot it. My husband noticed it as well. I won't go too into detail on this event, as my mind made writing it out difficult and I typed "no" so like... I ain't bargaining with old gods, I'll leave that to whom ever wants to question the validity of my statements. I s'pose.I'm now attempting to collect a high quality video of a UAP. The setting is not ideal, so I may need to travel to an area that's similar to prior encounters. Though I will not give up the hope that I can be lazy and still manage to capture a UAP without having to venture out. I spotted an owl tonight, was almost certain it was something else... Eagle eyes have yet to fail me, so if they want to be seen and documented on camera by me, they will. I'm giving it time as I'm still apprehensive and uncertain if I would even want to share any evidence. Attention online isn't always friendly, and God only knows what kind of agency I'd have to deal with if I did happen to be gifted the ability to prove myself "not as crazy as ya'll should think I am" but... I'll just release this when I have it set to release, tweet about it and take one last smoke break before I drift off to the upside down or wherever it is I go when I sleep. :D 

I've tried many times to avoid writing this out; as I find it hard to do such. Aside from all the chemical alterations I subject myself to, there's a great deal of context and years of experience to delve through to even ground a reader into some framework of commonality. How could I expect anyone to understand me if I am not at least somewhat similar to them? I'm so far removed with my diagnosis from the average mental health sufferer, let alone the general public.

  It's hard to talk about my hallucinations and delusions, but they do tend to do a spiral dance to oblivion. Before I discuss MY experiences with closed eye visualizations I want to prepare you for WHY I'm even bringing them up. They're not characterized with my disorder or even seen as a bad thing. People take drugs to see things that aren't there and meditation can be done to bring them up. It's a fascinating thing really because I've always just had them, my first recollection was in grade school. To attempt to bring this all together: Iceberg memes are common, so if we were to view schizophrenia as an iceberg, the diagnosis is just the tip. From my observation as a patient, just an unfortunate subject to the field, they tend to view sufferers as a ship. but in this metaphor what can a patient do to avoid sinking? Take your meds, obviously but in my experience that's like the spiffy features on the Titanic that were supposed to make IT unsinkable - medication is not some advanced sonar equipment or something like that, we aren't there yet. I've seen it work in stabilization but how much of that is psychosocial, having a "sterile" environment and the sedative nature of the medication itself? I'm not on some crusade against the drugs because I'm crazy, more or less I'm just upset about almost dying taking them. I don't like the way I've been treated by all kinds of MD's and though this is not wholly a mental health issue, it's what effects me the most. Maybe I'm an iceberg and the ships I could sink are just individuals or aspects of society. I realize that last bit could be a case for grandeur, but let's focus on the iceberg instead as a way to explain what I'm getting at. To avoid grandeur I am the ship.

  There has been a lot of headway in terms of Mental Health Awareness since I was first admitted to a psychiatric hospital  12 years ago. Despite that, Schizophrenic disorders are still highly stigmatized. We are the unwanted, misunderstood and wildly criticized few. If you suffer from mental illness "At least you're/I'm not schizophrenic!" is a common vibe I've seen floating around this interwebs so it is here that I'm going to share some of my lived experiences with the disorder and how I've managed thus far (and still hope) to overcome the many barriers my disorder has placed in my path.

I have thrown the idea out into the void that I would like to write a book about aliens and AI, I've crafted out most of the book mentally but when I tried to write it out I couldn't find a starting point. I'd just start and stop from different areas of the story, trying to find the best place to begin. The words stopped dripping like honey when I stopped smoking marijuana, though the desire to write was greater, everything felt mechanical. Most of the themes and plot points were inspired by dreams. What's lead me to forgo that venture is how reality seemed to "bleed" from the work. Not an uncommon belief within the realm of pagan belief, how words can manifest reality... in a sense. I could never get to the most gripping and terrifying dreams, that still linger in my mind. As I don't want to give any theosophical types any ideas, I want to distance myself from that future.The dream of a walk-able city, one I did pen has appeared in reality. This is exciting, though not as I envisioned entirely. That was a mechanical writing though it WAS marijuana induced. So I shouldn't limit my inability to create to such a damned vice. Though the addictive nature I hold wants to grasp at any straw to bring back the intoxication... I see that, now, as I write. I won't edit it out. As this is a good buffer to bore or dissuade anyone from reading. I'm very sensitive and these tales are very personal. I'm not well educated. Though I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't believe me. Especially if you read forward into my recounts of ET and UAP experiences. Trust isn't, well, given freely. I'm just some crazy on the internet trying to connect. Trying to share. Trying to adequately document my experiences in written form, prior to releasing video evidence I may only hopefully attain.I'll start with the UAPs because they're much more "real" to me than the straight up ET experiences. For context they happened after I saw aliens, I wasn't abducted but I do feel like the aircraft I saw were alien in origin.... given the auditory hallucinations and the general sense of a "presence" after seeing the craft. There were also closed eye visuals -- of what I would casually call an intergalactic dic pic. (Concerning?) A few textile hallucinations as well. All these hallucinations are not that uncommon for me, though textiles are rare. For the general public, but also for my lived experience. They haven't happened often and when they do it's usually linked to extreme discomfort and proceeded by a trip to the mental hospital. I'll put that all aside though and paint a setting of where this craft was spotted.It was in a more rural area, but not too far from the suburbs. There was obviously an airfield nearby, as I would see low flying airplanes come in from the same direction. I'm a smoker (as most schizo's tend to be) and was smoking outside constantly. Nearly every time I'd go outside I'd see some kind of human aircraft going that direction. Well, I'm exaggerating but still, it was a pattern I recognized. It was late one night and I noticed an aircraft that didn't have lights like the other planes. It was low, but it wasn't coming from the direction previous planes had. It skirted along the tree line, I thought it strange so I watched it closely... Even approached it in curiosity. I didn't get too close though, because it stopped moving. Now of course it could of been a helicopter, but something told me it wasn't. The craft flew towards me. I stood still, looked down at my cigarette and saw that it was done for. I took the out and casually walked inside, as if I wasn't afraid. The craft was silent, helicopters are not. I didn't hear anything and it was getting rather close overhead, and it wasn't all that high up, so if it were a chopper it would of been observable with more than just the eyes! When I got inside, I announced "my boys are here" shortly after that the presence was felt. I went to the TV and internally asked if it wanted to watch anything. "we" decided to watch a weird sci-fi movie about surgeries becoming like sex. IDK what it was called and I doubt I could find it, I don't even want to try! I drifted off to sleep watching it, saw the image in my head, and felt as though I was having a weird kind of sex. Given the sounds on the movie and textile hallucinations. The voices were... different than they normally were, the ones in my head. I internally asked what his name was "Emarac" the voice was concerned about SA. It didn't say sexual assault but that's what I attributed the phrase to. It was concerned about me cheating on my husband, it spoke of infidelity. The entire time the voice was present, I was in a semi-conscious sleep like state. We didn't communicate well inside my head and I didn't vocalize with it aloud, so I didn't get to test if the auditory hallucination would become more... external rather than entirely internal. Most of the voices I hallucinate don't sound like they're in the room with me, but within my mind. Though lately that isn't the case... but I'll get to that in a bit.I want to focus on the name "emarac" I googled it and there was a movie from the 60's (or late 50's? IDK I don't feel like looking it up right now) Deskset about a super intelligent computer that was slated to take IDK writers jobs -- the computer was called Emarac. Which fascinated me, but this isn't the first time a 'vision' or 'hallucination' has yielded results on further investigation. After my suicide attempt, when I was "coming back online" in the ICU I had witnessed a strange and horrific event. Military men were cutting off civilian's heads and my mother was spared. She received a red glove? (IDK wtf that shit was but it was a hellscape, she didn't make it in to see me and was killed in the hospital by a jack boot soldier, so... alternate reality or something. I kept hearing boots in the hallway outside stomping as soldiers do, back and forth, never taking many steps... guarding? anyways, lots more to that but I digress) Upon researching "red glove" it's a lost film... light... that's how camera's work, right? I mean, in the most rudimentary sense. There's something to that, it's the only thing that makes sense... there's some kind of string, or maybe -- reservoir or stream of untapped knowledge, teetering in some kind of collective unconscious; or maybe, meh that's enough... back to the UAP shit.A huge bunch of hoopla happened between me and my husband, justifiably so. I won't parse out those details, it's irrelevant to the story -- but we separated. (nazi types will inherently blame me and I laugh at that because ya'll are a bunch of dumbasses and I'll prove it -- ya dinguses forgot that history repeats, first of all, second of all it doesn't have to! it can simply rhyme :D but a;again I digress)When we got back together is the second time I had a UAP experience. Again, I'll give the setting -- on a highway. The craft imitated a tower, it flew erratically enough for my eagle eyes to spot it. My husband noticed it as well. I won't go too into detail on this event, as my mind made writing it out difficult and I typed "no" so like... I ain't bargaining with old gods, I'll leave that to whom ever wants to question the validity of my statements. I s'pose.I'm now attempting to collect a high quality video of a UAP. The setting is not ideal, so I may need to travel to an area that's similar to prior encounters. Though I will not give up the hope that I can be lazy and still manage to capture a UAP without having to venture out. I spotted an owl tonight, was almost certain it was something else... Eagle eyes have yet to fail me, so if they want to be seen and documented on camera by me, they will. I'm giving it time as I'm still apprehensive and uncertain if I would even want to share any evidence. Attention online isn't always friendly, and God only knows what kind of agency I'd have to deal with if I did happen to be gifted the ability to prove myself "not as crazy as ya'll should think I am" but... I'll just release this when I have it set to release, tweet about it and take one last smoke break before I drift off to the upside down or wherever it is I go when I sleep. :D 

I've tried many times to avoid writing this out; as I find it hard to do such. Aside from all the chemical alterations I subject myself to, there's a great deal of context and years of experience to delve through to even ground a reader into some framework of commonality. How could I expect anyone to understand me if I am not at least somewhat similar to them? I'm so far removed with my diagnosis from the average mental health sufferer, let alone the general public.

I've tried many times to avoid writing this out; as I find it hard to do such. Aside from all the chemical alterations I subject myself to, there's a great deal of context and years of experience to delve through to even ground a reader into some framework of commonality. How could I expect anyone to understand me if I am not at least somewhat similar to them? I'm so far removed with my diagnosis from the average mental health sufferer, let alone the general public.